Love Street Counselling's blog

Ramblings and side notes with the occasional foray into a mental health topic

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Coming out as separated

Just took the plunge and told my mum that I had separated from my partner of 12 years. It was scary making that phone call, I had no idea how she would take it. Luckily, she was very understanding and after I put the phone down and had a moment to process what had just happened, I felt a whole lot better.

As a white cishet male, I’m not privy to what it actually feels to come out as LGBT+, but the memory of the fear I was feeling prior to making that phone call made me think whether or not the experience is similar in some way? You’ve got an idea in your head about what opinions your parents have about you, and you’re so scared that your relationship will be damaged as a result for upsetting them like this.

Oh well, another chapter in my life begins. That of a “weekend dad.” As I’ve moved some distance away, visiting my kid during the week is nigh impossible. Also, it’s quite expensive (£15 return for the ferry + train) as well as time consuming at 1.5 hours each way. I don’t know what to make of all this. Things could be worse? The new flat is great and I have successfully completed my first days working remotely from here with zero issues. I am warm, can afford food and power. Heck, even BT is showing up once they get their act together to set me up with some broadband in a couple of weeks time. Things do move slower out here on the islands…

Missing my family feels like a good sadness in a way. I feel like I would lose something special if I missed them any less. At the same time I know it’s not the most productive use of my time to wallow in misery day in day out. I’ve kept up my journaling of sorts (that accidental CBT tool my wife and I came up with the other day), and I am trying very hard to build myself up again. It’s a very different life now, for all of us. But little by little I am convincing myself that I want to see this new chapter in my life, and that things will get better.

I did cook myself a very nice bit of noodles with pork and egg today. Very studenty, very weekend dad-ish. Down in the trenches today but working my way out.

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